i couldn't make this stuff up

I went to Tulsa this week for a training. Luckily, they sent two of us AND put us up in a swanky hotel (The Sleep Inn, anyone?) so it wasn't too bad. The material presented in the training was actually interesting and the time didn't drag on too slowly. However, 8 hours in a room for two days in a row is a long time no matter how you slice it. During one of the longer stretches of time, I started observing the people around me and made a little list of the people that usually turn up at these trainings. It's possible this will only apply to "my kind" of people i.e. mental health professionals, who tend to be crazier than the normal population, but I swear I have been to dozens of these presentations and EVERY time at least one of these characters turn up. Here we go:

1. The Obvious Example Guy: "These single mothers need to really think about the kind of men they let around their children." Thanks, buddy. We hadn't figured that one.

2. The Guy Who Answers Rhetorical Questions: "Is it better to just end up in an unhealthy relationship? Or to really decide about the person you want to spend your life with?" "It's better to make a decision about it." No shit.

3. The Older Lady Who Answers Her Cell Phone In The Training Because She Thinks She Has To Answer Every Goddamn Phone Call: "Hello? Yeah, I'm in a training. No, just tell her that the file she's looking for is in my desk. No, IN the desk. Uh-huh. Okay, well tell her I'll call her when I'm done here. Okay. Okay. Yes. Okay. Bye." (Of course the woman who answered her phone was SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO ME. I was cringing with embarrassment and tried to surreptitiously scoot my chair away from hers.

4. The Too-Cool Table: At the table next to us, these assholes read a newspaper, texted on their phones, talked at a normal volume to each other while the presenter was talking, came back from EVERY BREAK at least 15 minutes late, rolled their eyes at every activity. It was like high school all over again.

5. The Kiss-Ass: They don't go to the bathroom on breaks, instead they sidle up to the presenter and pretend to ask questions, but really they just want to tell him their version of why they are going to be the best thing that ever happened to this new program he's telling us about. I always feel sorry for the instructor when these people lock onto him. There's no escape. I know it, and he knows it.