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Monday, April 27, 2009

sorry to all my pregnant friends out there...


...but this is too good to keep to myself.

Nick turned me onto this hilarious girl comedy group called Garfunkel and Oates. They have a song called Pregnant Women Are Smug. I'm attaching the video, but I know most people (myself included) don't click on links no matter how awesome. (Although I sincerely hope you watch the video below of my amazing brother proposing to his girl. It's awe inspiring. Maybe if I brag on him enough, he'll make a witty comment.)

Okay, so here are the lyrics to the amazing song. Thankfully, none of my friends have acted like this (so far), but all know someone who has, or is right on the edge. Only organic food and clothing? No sugar/carbs/dairy/unfiltered air? How about the women who swear they can have a painless birth at home without any drugs? Please. I've never had a kid, but I'm pretty sure that shit hurts. I can barely keep my eyes from rolling back into my head when I get around people like this.

Anyway, the lyrics are as follows. Watch the video and sing along! And promise me and yourself that you will never act like those smug pregnant women...

PREGNANT WOMEN ARE SMUG

Pregnant women are smug

Everyone knows it, nobody says it,

Because they’re pregnant


F-ing son of a gun

You think you’re so deep now

You give me the creeps now

Now that you’re pregnant


I can’t count all the ways how

You speak in clich├ęs now


I can’t wait to hear someone say

Don’t care if it’s brain dead

Don’t care if it’s limbless

If it has a penis


Pregnant women are smug

Everyone knows it, nobody says it,

Because they’re pregnant


This zen world you’re enjoying

Makes you really annoying


Bitch, I don’t really care

I was being polite now

Since you have no life now

That you’re pregnant


You say you’re walking on air

You think that you’re glowing

But you had been ho-ing

And now you’re pregnant


You’re just giving birth now

You’re not mother earth now


Pregnant women are smug

Everyone knows it, nobody says it,

because they’re pregnant


F-ing son of a gun

You think you’re so deep now

You give me the creeps now

Now that you’re pregnant


Sunday, April 19, 2009

my badass brother

this was all my idea, but I never thought he'd have the guts to pull it off.

well done, brother!

by the way, isn't travis the coolest fucking band ever?

Friday, April 17, 2009

my man


I've been in Texas for the past 6 days spending time with my mom, playing nurse and taxi driver. A lengthier post is on its way about that, but for now I thought I'd post a cute survey I found while stalking someone I've never met...I mean surfing the ole' interwebs.

Nick, if you're reading this, tell me if I missed any. I haven't seen you in so long, I've forgotten what you look like but I'll try my best.

1.  Your spouse is sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen?  
a movie or TV show that we have creatively acquired but not necessarily purchased.

2.  Who takes longer showers, you or him?  
me, but only because I have so much dang hair. But he is in and out in less than 10 minutes.

3.  What is one food your spouse doesn't like? 
Coconut! Funny story, it usually bugged me that Nick didn't like coconut until I ordered coconut shrimp one night. I was excited that I wouldn't have to share with him until he snatched one off my plate and said, "this is the only coconut I like." bastard.

4.  What would your husband say is the first thing that caught his eye about you?
I drank beer out of a can.

5.  Where did he go to high school?
Putnam City West High School, Oklahoma City. Go Pats!

6.  What is his shoe size?
12. jealous?

7.  If he was to collect something, what would it be? 
He doesn't really collect something, he just brings home odd items he finds in thrift stores. Once he bought a Geiger counter, another time a toy rocket to put together, a satellite so we could go geocaching.  

8.  What is his favorite type of sandwich?  
Turkey, roast beef, cheese, lettuce, tomato, and mustard.

9. How does he take his coffee?
He recently started drinking coffee at work. He takes it light and sweet.

10.  What is his favorite cereal?  
I'm not sure if he has a favorite, but lately he's been eating alot of the ghetto version of Golden Grahams.

11.  Where did he go to college?  
He started out at OC, but we never met there.

12.  What is his favorite sports team? 
The New England Patriots...kidding! The New York Jets.

13.  Where was your first date? 
He took me to play mini golf and to dinner and Charleston's. We had to push the date back a few hours because there was a tornado that afternoon.  

14.  What is something I do that he wishes I wouldn't? 
When I bake, I use all the measuring cups and spoons and he threatens to divorce me.

15.  What is his heritage?
I've heard there are some Fossey's in France...

16.  You bake him a cake for his birthday, what kind is it? 
He prefers chocolate on chocolate, but the Fossey Family Birthday Cake is yellow cake with pink frosting and sprinkles. He's had both in his lifetime.

17.  What could he spend hours doing?
Surfing the internet, researching fantasy football, playing video games, watching an entire series of some obscure TV show with me.

18.  What is one unique talent he has?
Two things: He can Google anything, quicker than anyone I know. His motto is: If I can't find it online in 30 minutes, it doesn't exist. The second thing is he can identify any celebrity's voice on a commercial, AS LONG AS THEY DON'T SHOW THEIR FACE. If he sees their face, he can't think of who it is. I recently lost 20 bucks on a bet to him. Damn you John Corbett and your sell-out Applebee ads!

19.  Where is his favorite place he has traveled? 
I would say it's a tie between Carmel as a child with his family and New York City to visit his friends.

20.  What is a clothing item he would never wear?
A turtleneck. He doesn't like things around his throat, so I've stopped trying to strangle him for fun.