do you validate?

If I had to pick a superhero name for Nick, it would be the Invalidator.

Luckily (or unluckily, I can't tell which, yet), Nick usually only invalidates ME. He finds dozens of ways every day to disagree with me, or try to discredit me, or try to correct me that it has moved from irritating to funny (funny, in the way you have to laugh to keep from crying all the time.)

Let me give you an example: Nick mentioned in passing that we needed to get the non-odor trash bags in case we have to throw our clothes into trash bags for the move and we don't want our clothes smelling like vanilla or whatever. I agree. Then we go to the store. We roll up to the trash bag aisle and I grab the non-odor bags and say, “Babe, here are the odor free bags.” And he says, “It doesn't matter. We can get the other kind.”

Huh? What? Why do you make it a huge deal to get a certain kind of trash bag only to say we don't need it when I remind you to get it?

Here's another story: My whole life, I kept my ketchup in the fridge. I don't know why, I just did. Then Nick moved in with me and told me I was an idiot for keeping it in the fridge because who wants ice cold ketchup on hot fries? Made sense to me so I started leaving it on the shelf. We lived happily for awhile until I ate some organic ketchup at room temperature and it was a little funky. I just figured it was a fluke because we'd had it too long. I mentioned to Nick that I thought the ketchup was going bad and he gave a long-suffering sigh, sent me a withering look and said “It's fiiiiiiiine.” (The Invalidator makes sure you know when you are being ridiculous, even if you're not) So I shrug my shoulders and quit eating from that bottle of ketchup and wait until we start a new one.

Fast forward several months: I'm looking for the ketchup and to my irritation and surprise, I find it in the FRIDGE. I didn't put it there, that's for sure. So I ask Nick, “Why is the ketchup in the fridge? I thought you liked it at room temperature?” He looks at me for a minute then says, “Well the last bottle we had tasted weird so I decided to keep ketchup in the fridge.”

Scroll back up to the previous paragraph.
“...I mentioned to Nick that I thought the ketchup was going bad and he gave a long-suffering sigh, sent me a withering look and said “It's fiiiiiiiine.”

WHY COULDN'T HE HAVE JUST VALIDATED MY CONCERN ABOUT THE FREAKING KETCHUP GOING BAD?!

WHY DOES HE JUST WANT TO STORE THE KETCHUP IN THE OPPOSITE PLACE I WANT TO STORE IT?!

Last month, The Invalidator and I were in Dallas visiting my dad, brother and his fiancee. We were talking about how couples fight in different ways and how even if people lose their tempers with each other, they can still have productive conversations as long as what they are saying influences the other one. I was quick to point out Nick's Invalidating tendencies and everyone laughed appreciatively and then I asked Tyler and Sandy about how they fight with each other. Sandy said they say what they need to, retreat to their respective corners and then talk about it later. Dad said that makes them a Validating Couple. Nick looks at them through narrowed eyes and said “That's make you my nemesis.”

Sigh. I'm doomed to be in love with The Invalidator forever, with jokes like that. Even if he tries to make me feel like I'm high maintenance for not wanting to eat rotten food.